EDITOR'S NOTE õ Today Jackie Cooper takes his hand with the typewriter, in 'batting' - and batting it is, on Eileen Percy's typewriter. He doesn't always hit the right key, and that makes his story the more natural. It is printed below, exactly as Jackie brought it in." And here it is:
"RitINg a KoluM isnt HxrD WorK Exept FOr Having to rITE on a TiPEriTEr anD FinDIng ouT SomThing To rItE abOUt. I have BEEn rItin stOrIeS anD PLayS and MovING PICitures foR A LONg Time But This Is THe First tIme I HAve ritINg a KolUm. WAlly BEEry sED he wouLD helP me Rite This kUlom bUt aLL hE doES is LafF and Make FUN inSTead of TelLinG Me X / HXHTvgtB|uxx WHAT to rIte. WEll, Now FOr sOMe (nxxx NEws -
GRetA GarbO waS ouT foR a WalK YesTerday On The StUDio anD ShE Stxxx SToPPeD to SaY HELLo tO Me and SHe sMILEd aNd I SmILed BaCK tO HEr. SHe iS PReTty AnD IS WOrkIng aN tHe STage neXt Txxxxx NeXT tO mExxxxAnd WALLy. ShE haD On a WhITe sUiTaNd Her HaIr wAs all FluFFy aNd ShE WALked FAst.
ReGINald deNNy cAUGht anOthER Big FISHyxxxx AnD haD His PICtures Made wITH iT bEcauuse thE LAst TIme he CAugHt oNe iT waS BIGGer bUt noBoDy bexxxxx BeLiEVeD iT nOt EVen Mrs. dxxxx DEnnY wHO Is HiS Wife.
JiMMy dURAntE is A FuNNY GUY. He Has a big nOSe whICH IsnT STucK on But Is reAL LiKE theY HaVe in The FUnny SheeTs. He CoMes OvER tO Our Set sOMEtimE an|-*xxmrbxxxxx SomEtiMe and He PlaYs on The PIAno and SinGS SongS And EveRYBody laUGhs and LAUGhs aNd he LAugHs TOoo himSelf. He LIveS DowN NeAr Me at xxxx VEnice anD GoeS SwimmInG.
MisTER MaYER whO Is thE BIG BoSS of WhERE I wOrk iS a Nice Man Too aNd Took ME )xxxMe FIshiNG on His BOat aNd I CAUghT BiggER Fish AS hE DiD anD He diDnt bE MaD. He weNT To ALASKa For MOre FISH bUt he DidNT taKe Me BeCAUSE IaM WorKIng buT I BeT I coULd hAVe CauGHt mOre BiGGer FiSh thAN hE dID if I wEnt.
RiTING xx A KUloM is HArd WorK. IHaVe to ChaNGe tHe PaPer in ThE TipriTER anD thAt geTS EverYTHing All MIxed uP AnD WaLILY LauGhs soMe mORe. HE PRomISed tO TakE My in hIs AiRPlaNe bUT mA sAys N he CAnt beCAuse I am TOo yOUNg.
BusTEr KeaTON haS ABIg dOg NamED ELmEr aND ElmeR LIkes tO PLaY wiTH mE And WonT BIte ChiLDRen. He HaS lonG HaIr And Ixxx A AWfUl bIg MouTh nNd I BeT He coUld BiTE Hard If hE WAntEd. He lETS mE rIDe on HIs bACk aNd -63c,xxx aNd cAN dO TriCKS xCepT he DonT sIT uP BeCauSe he IS sO Big hE FAlls Over HimSElf.
MiTzI aNd I TeLePHonE EaCH otHER SamETImeS But Her FaTHEr AlWaYs aNSweRs. I aM GoiNg To inVite HER To mY BiRThDay ParTY anD JaCkIE SeARLe wHo IsnT a MeaN oR A Bad Boy lIke hE AlwaYs PlAYs liWe in PicturEs. BobBy CoogAn caN ComE Too. Mitzi Has a NeW GrEEn DreSS anD it LooKs PrEtty. ShE iS a NicE Girl.
WeLL, I GueSS ThIs is ThE End of ThE Kulom a..d I did sOme Hard WOrk. I guEss I WiLL Ba A ActER aNR noT a riTeR WheN I grOW up BecaUse iT iS HaRD WOrk rITing on A TipeRitER.